Jul 31, 2006
This Is Just Too Good
| What's the dumbest thing you can do in professional sports? No, being white and trying out for a basketball team isn't it. Becoming a boxer is near the top of the list too... but not quite. Let's go with taking steriods for 800 trebek. Rafael Palmeiro. Long known for being a first baseman and a good one at that. All of a sudden turns into VIAGRA MAN. How's that for celebrity? I can't get it up but I can still swing a mean stick. Does his fame come from a thirty second promo about how he needs that little extra oomph? Nope. It comes from denying you use steriods in front of congress... and then get caught.. using steriods. Surprisingly enough this is not our #1 dumbest thing you can do in professional sports. This is: Now some sprinter was dumb enough to try and cheat the system and they found testosterone in his system... helloooo? testosterone... isn't that what all us men have? most of us men anways. and some women apparently. First of all, the world anti-doping agency is not major league baseball. This agency would've had Barry Bond's balls for paperweights three years ago if it was up to them. Do any of you know why? Probably not. Dick Pound that's why. He's the chief of the anti-doping agency. I didn't say head because that would've been too cheesy and only uneducated morons do something like that. But yes, Dick Pound is coming down. Dropping the hammer. Nobody's going to get anywhere in the sporting world as long as Pound is on the prowl. Dick Pound -- what the hell, with a name like that you'd think he's make sure to steer clear of the public spotlight. Nope. Kind of reminds me of my old high school principal.. Curt... Woodcock. oh yes highschool was always interesting when the cock was on the prowl. Or perhaps you've met his mother... Ms Babcock. Oh the irony of it all. Foreigner - Hotblooded |
Jul 29, 2006
Shaz - zled
| Mike says: coulda been worse Mike says: you could be typing to me with one arm [ Shaz ] says: ooo that's true [ Shaz ] says: but most guys are good at doing that ... [ Shaz ] says: i like the cookie more than the creme Mike says: lol Mike says: how perverted does that sound? [ Shaz ] says: unbelievably bad ... [ Shaz ] says: i said sorry!!! Mike says: but ur not [ Shaz ] says: well no [ Shaz ] says: damn webcam ruining my lies Mike says: THANKS Mike says: asshole [ Shaz ] says: u leave my ass out of this convo!!! Mike says: lmao Mike says: aww Mike says: another turn down [ Shaz ] says: oh shush, next ur going to guilt me for keeping my shirt on Mike | deadline or flatline? says: that's the idea! [ Shaz ] says: geez, first time webcamming and you expect me to sit around in my bra ... Mike says: dont make me beg Mike says: or maybe you'd like that [ Shaz ] says: u? on your knees? [ Shaz ] says: depends where the hands are [ Shaz ] says: or the tongue and finally: [ Shaz ] says: u keep turning ur head [ Shaz ] says: i can only assume tv Mike says: lol Mike says: yes because: Mike says: tv > beautiful girl on webcam Mike says: *sigh* [ Shaz ] says: sweettalker AND MEN ARE THE PERVERTS? I think you women need a reality check and see, compliments... from me... they're not hard to come by people! |
Jul 27, 2006
Definition:
| Word: Irony Definition: i·ro·ny Audio pronunciation of "irony" ( P ) Pronunciation Key (r-n, r-) n. pl. i·ro·nies 1. 1. The use of words to express something different from and often opposite to their literal meaning. 2. An expression or utterance marked by a deliberate contrast between apparent and intended meaning. 3. A literary style employing such contrasts for humorous or rhetorical effect. See Synonyms at wit1. 2. 1. Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs: “Hyde noted the irony of Ireland's copying the nation she most hated” (Richard Kain). 2. An occurrence, result, or circumstance notable for such incongruity. See Usage Note at ironic. 3. Dramatic irony. 4. Socratic irony. [French ironie, from Old French, from Latin rna, from Greek eirneia, feigned ignorance, from eirn, dissembler, probably from eirein, to say. See wer-5 in Indo-European Roots.] Instance: Fisherman speared by blue marlin off Bermuda Talk about getting owned. In far less interesting news, I was challenged to an emo-off with Shaz. I think it was close the whole way until we got into the whole background of my blog. I think I took the cake. This is the "emo princess" ending this week's blogging voyage. [fucking a when will it all end?] Thrice - Phoenix Ignition |
Jul 26, 2006
Grimshaw's gonna love this
| Purely in the interests of science, i have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book. Lets see the results... "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry. "Oh, well ... I was at Hogwarts meself but I ... er ... got expelled, to tell you the truth. In my third year, they snapped me wang in half and everything. A magic wang ... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to. "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work." "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. " Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls. "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, "Alohomora!" The troll couldnt feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped, it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils. He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue. He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them. "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding ... Any second now, he might hear his mother again ... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to ... or did he? Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang. Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip. "Get off me!" Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang. So J.K. Rowling is indeed a great writer yes? |
Jul 23, 2006
The 11th Annual AmeriCU Krockathon
| Some of you might remember last year's post around this time. Well this year things went a little different from last. 1) there was actually alcohol involved 2) the bands were alot shittier 3) rain. lots and lots and lots of rain. Well the story starts around the midnight hour of Saturday July 22nd. I tossed and turned trying to get some sleep but to no avail. So the natural thing to do... eat and drink. I had a beer and some chips, finally made it to bed at 4. Up at 7:30 to leave the house by 8. Was it not only a bad idea, but it wasn't even worth it considering all the stalling and having to make last minute stops for gas and... lawn chairs... Anyway, we get there, it's fucking a fucking mad house. This is the first time Krockathon has ever sold out. Which is all fine and dandy but let's consider a few things: a) worst band lineup of all Krockathons past b) although it was a sellout it was the smallest Krockathon crowd (10,000) in quite some years (last year was 12,000 and the year before was closer to 15,000). So we get a parking spot right up front, that's what happens when you get to a show 3 hours before a band even goes on-stage. So what is there to do for that long? Drink. Beer pong. Lots of beer pong. Undefeated in beer pong, thank you. But then things started getting stupid, somebody broke out a bottle of McGillicutty's Mint Schnapps "Who wants to do double shots?"  Me. So after a few double shots I was good to go for the show, I thought.See now this is the worst part about having an outdoor all day festival at a race track, mud. It was minor last year, I had to wipe down my shoes in the sink after a nice and sunny day of rocking out. But no, this year, all hell broke loose. People bought ponchos, but did they wear them? Only the pussies. People were stuffing mud into ponchos and throwing them clear across the track, same with other non-sexual articles of clothing (disappointing i know). Getting pelted with these was like getting a 10lb sandbag to the face. Coupled with the now 4" thick mud across the surface to the whole fucking venue, the 4" thick puddle of water in my shoes, and the alcohol consumption I was done for the day at 7pm. I hit the bleachers for one of the headliners (they all sucked). After a quick assessment of how completely covered in dried up shit I ate a burger, went back down in, partied for another 3 songs, called it quits for the day and retreated to the parking lot.  Emptied out my shoes and socks of water, drove home barefoot. Then, the real challenge began. Getting out of my clothes was the toughest thing ever. My shirt was literally crusted onto me. My hair was literrally stuck in that permanently messed up look. Kind of like using hair-gel that smells horrible and turns your hair pale. A half hour shower barely did anything to clean me up. 7 hairwashes later... I'm still picking clumps of dirt out of my hair.  and I'm not smiling because I had dirt plastered across my teeth. Sexy |
Jul 21, 2006
Hello Poppet
Well now, it seems the only bloggers left out there are estrogenically excelled. This could make things a little more precarious when I go to make fun of:
So should I A) play it straight? B) continue the tradition of pissing people off? I'll be commencing the boozing process at a dreary 9:30am tomorrow. Concert gates open at noon. That's two and a half hours of potential beer pong, girls making out with other girls for a share of beer, getting into fights, puking, passing out, dehydration. Tune in Sunday to see if I'm dead or alive (don't get your hopes up) Breaking Benjamin - Forget It |
Jul 19, 2006
There is only one thing to say...
Equilibrium
| Mankind united with infinitely greater purpose in pursuit of war than he ever did in pursuit of peace. Rent it. Watch it. Understand it. |
Jul 17, 2006
R cubed
| Reduce. Reuse. Recycle. Reduce the effort put into blogging. Reuse old posts. Recycle the same ideas/problems that I want to convey to all: The Truth About Nice Guys A revelation that has occured to many of us single men. We are single for one main reason... we're nice. Here is the proof and I would like to thank Jay Colenzo and Mike Paquette for this information. Most of all thank you to Mr Garret Hols: It’s amazing that assholes can get girls. Actually, now that I think of it, it’s not that amazing. They are assholes at heart, but to meet girls they lavish their undying love. IT’S A CHARADE. They act nice, friendly, and they listen… until they get into what they’re after. Their prey thinks they are in love with them, however when they realize what assholes their predators really are, they pretend like the asshole is really nice inside. The girl tries to change the asshole into a nice guy, but assholes will always be assholes. She gets upset and goes to the nice guy to complain about the asshole. But she claims to love the asshole… now this is where the theory begins. She doesn’t want to look like she is easy so she wont dump the asshole right away, instead she will stay with the asshole. Girls are idiots. They don’t realize that the nice guy has been there all along. He never had to pretend to be a good guy to get girls because he is naturally like that. However, girls don’t see it for some reason or another. They look at the nice guy as a friend, a trusted companion to whom they can tell their sad story to about their asshole boyfriend. But the nice guy isn’t THAT naïve. He was trying to score with the girl he listens to all along. The problem is that since he is a nice guy he keeps listening. Since girls get attached to things that pay attention to them, they think of the nice guy as a friend. A FRIEND. They don’t say, “Oh he’s hot” or “I want to have his children” about the nice guy, they just want the emotional support. When they get the emotional support from the nice guy, they don’t need it from the asshole. The nice guy gets the shit end of the stick while the asshole gets all the action. I am starting to wonder if being a nice guy is really the route to take to get action… I have been down this path for all of my post-pubescent life and it has gotten me NOWHERE… at least not in the women department. Perhaps another reason why girls fall for the asshole is because assholes ignore the girl they are with. The women wonder, “Why isn’t he paying attention to me?” so they explore why. They poke and prod and get closer to the asshole. They start to get easier with each attempt to get closer. The asshole finally says, “I’ve let this beauty dangle long enough, time to boat this bass”. It is then he puts on his charade and the girl feels like she has won him… even thought all she has won is an asshole. Once you have gone down the path as a nice guy or a “listener” you can’t turn back. The girl will always go after the assholes because there are always nice guys there to listen. Once you realize that you are a “listener” you cant do anything about it… just pack up and close shop. There is no way you will get into her pants… ever. There is and never will be a situation where the nice guy will get the girl he has a crush on. It just doesn’t work like that. The girl wont “come to her senses” and realize what an asshole her boyfriend is like in the movies… instead she will just go after another asshole, and unless you stop being a nice guy, she will never go after you. Women complain that there are no nice guys in the world. Right. They are obviously not looking hard enough because there are nice guys EVERYWHERE!!!! Girls aren’t looking for nice guys… they say they are but they’re not. They are looking for the perfect asshole, but there is NO SUCH THING as the perfect asshole. All in all, the nice guy gets the shaft. To all the girls out there with boyfriends that don’t treat you with respect, that don’t listen to you, and that don’t care about you I say this; look next to you. The guy that has been standing next to you the whole time is the guy you have been looking for. He is what you want your asshole to be like. He knows more about you than you know about yourself… because he has listened to it all. |
Jul 14, 2006
Drudging
 I've been working every damn night for the past two weeks. I'm tired, I'm sick of not being able to fall asleep until 4am. In other news, I put my acoustic bass up for sale on Ebay... any of you pussies that think you have musical talent? I thought not. Big Krush - More or Less |
Jul 12, 2006
Rules to Consider
| 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often. 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car. 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 8. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.) 9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good. 13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. 15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. 18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. 19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. |
Jul 11, 2006
Outlaw's Inquisition
1) If you could be a superhero which one would you choose and why?
2) What would be worse for you? Being deaf, blind or mute/ why?
3) If you were to hear music for the last time ever, which song would you want to hear?
4) Of all the bloggers you know/read, who would you take on vacation with you and where would you go?
5) What makes you cry?
This round of questions courtesy of Outlaw. The fine print: |
Jul 9, 2006
WELL I'D LIKE TO SAY I DIDN'T TELL YOU SO...
 that's right, that's the italian boot... kicking france's ass. A headbutt, what a pussy.  The only two men on this earth that can properly execute an effective headbutt, Chuck Norris and Jeremy. |
Jul 6, 2006
Iffy-ish
| The new template is so close to being finished but still needs a bit of work with the haloscan comments and setting up the archive/links tabs. Just bought something from amazon.com for my Super Nintendo promise not to laugh! The Mighty Morphin  Power Rangers: The Movie damn straight, here's how the formula works (in allison terms) for those of you unsure about this purchase: power rangers = childhood, and lastly, where would we all be without the classics? nowhere! during the little Independence Day celebrations somebody found a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sword... like the ones from back in the day!  I'm such a loser. |
Jul 5, 2006
I'm bored
| Gonna redesign this thing soon... already picked out a nice new template, just have to work out the comment and link bugs.... |
Jul 3, 2006
I feel like Buckner walking back into Shea.
| Guy is friends with girl... guy kinda likes girl, they have a ton of things in common. Guy can't find the courage to ask girl to senior ball. Guy goes to/fails out of college without talking to her. Starts talking to her again. Guy admits he likes girl. Girl admits she likes guy. [goes absolutely no-where] |
Jul 2, 2006
It's been a long road
| Since the roadtrip highlight of last year I can't believe a year has passed since Montreal. It seems that life has been a slippery slope still on the decline... met some really cool people... met a few dipshits and a few prudes as well. This year... didn't go to either family reunion... didn't go to a friend's cookout... damn hangovers just destroy all motivation. Let's just say that this blog is yet another year older... happy canada/independence day everyone. (this has to be a real shitty week for britain) |